Grammar Pulis

When it comes to grammar, I find myself sweating the small stuff too much too often. For instance, in a yahoo group I am part of, I always cringe when I read, "We are in need of accountants." I admit this is grammatically acceptable, but if one wants to arrest verbosity and write clearly and concisely, one should just say, "We need accountants." You save two words. To me, that is a big deal. I don't understand why people can't just go straight to the point in the least number of words as possible.

"In need" sounds to me more applicable in desperate or in impoverished situations. "The typhoon left the community in need of relief goods." "He is so obnoxious; he is in desperate need of a self-help book."

And this tirade is brought about by reading new twists to this pet peeve. Take these subject lines I just read: "Still need of accountants," and "Need of help." Arrrrghhhh! Be still, my raging heart. What's with this superfluous use of the preposition of? Do they get reward points for frequent use? And in these intances, I can no longer say that these are grammatically acceptable. They are reprehensible. Criminal. And this angry vigilante has kept still long enough. I just want to call them out.

Okay, okay. I am usually not this vicious. I just needed to get that out of my system. Whew.





I feel better now. Thanks.

I remember writing class back in grade school. Sister Maria Mercedes would ask us to write an essay about our summer vacation in 500 words or more. And so even if all I did that summer was watch TV and reorganize the pantry by arranging the canned goods in alphabetical order, I had to come up with a long-winded, adjective and adverb filled piece that Sister Maria Mercedes probably read as a replacement for sleeping pills.

Sadly, this nation produced generations of students who cared more about reaching their 500-word quotas than coming up with clear, concise, creative writing. Back then that kind of writing was called flowery. Today I call it an environmental crime; a waste of dead trees, ink, and teachers’ caffeine allowances.

To this day, students still attempt to please their teachers and readers by using their arsenal of sentence lengtheners – adverbs, prepositional phrases, interjections, and a million ways to say, “She said” –- “she enthusiastically exclaimed,” “she immediately uttered with a loud gasp of breath.”

One supposedly clever device is the phrase, “in order to.”
- In order to reduce our costs, we will limit employees’ use of the toilet to once a day.
- In order to meet his sales quota, Danny agreed to sell his soul.
- Sign on this order form in order to order your order.

Let’s arrest verbosity. Clear and concise writing is more effective. It also saves trees, bandwidth, and time. Delete the words “in order” and just write “to.”
- To reduce our costs, we will limit employees’ use of the toilet to once a day.
- To meet his sales quota, Danny agreed to sell his soul.
- Sign on this form to confirm your order.

Sister Maria Mercedes is no longer counting words. Neither should we. It’s more important to use fewer words, but let each word count.